Why do we do the things we do? I cannot tell you how many times I have asked myself that very question since Steve and I first started on this DD journey of ours.
Just for example, last night, Steve and I had another good talk about things. (Just as a bit of an aside, he had taken the time yesterday to type things up and come up with a set of rules and consequences for us. We're starting slow, but at least we're moving.) And amazingly, I stayed calm yet again. It's amazing how much that tiny little detail helps! :) Anyway, he decided that he wanted to go back to his original plan from last weekend and start off with a reminder type spanking to kind of clear the air and set the tone. He didn't want to wait until my next full off day because that would be Thursday. I think he foresees me getting antsy and probably mouthy by then too. And maybe doesn't want me to think about it that long. So he decided that he would do it today at some point before I head into work tonight. And this time, I didn't argue or buck him. I just said okay.
Now for the record, the issues I had with this idea last weekend are basically gone. I think a large part of the reason why is because I know that after last weekend, I deserve a spanking. Just don't tell him that last part, k? Good. I acted and reacted horribly. And while he doesn't usually think that the things I do are out and out disrespectful, I think we have different definitions. Because in all honesty, I think sometimes I'm pretty darn disrespectful. Don't tell him this part either. :)
So my "why" question today is this. Why, if I agree that I need the spanking and it will help and agree with the reasons I'm getting it, then why am I basically back to being a total snot today? I've already been snippy more than once. And I honestly don't know why. The poor man hasn't done a thing. And I have another question. Why in the world when I know my butt will be on the line pretty soon, do I act like this? Do I have no sense of self preservation? If anyone has the answers to these, it would be great by the way. :)
So I guess that's my blurb for the day. I need to get off of here and get some things done before previously mentioned spanking. Gonna try to get this attitude of mine together to so that I hopefully don't earn anymore than what I've already got coming.
Seriously,
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure where some of your comments are coming from to be honest. I know that I don't have to do this, but I'm going to set a few things straight here.
1) No where in my post did I mention hi having a bad day and saying that he didn't want to talk about it. Granted, it is harder for him to open up than it is for me, but that doesn't mean he doesn't try. He has never shut me out of his life like that and I have no reason to believe he would.
2) I'm not sure why you think there is a lack of respect on his part, but I know beyond a doubt that he respects me greatly and values my opinions and input. He regularly shows me this, both in word and deed.
3) I was not spanked for not looking at him. I was spanked as a way for us BOTH to get in the right frame of mind. There is a definitive mindset when it comes to this sort of relationship dynamic and we both agreed that this would be beneficial.
4)He is accountable. He holds himself accountable for leading our relationship in a positive way. Not only that, we both feel that he is accountable to God for how he leads us.
5)He is anything but a spoiled child. I may spoil him a bit, but that's because I want to. I enjoy taking care of him and making him happy. And he enjoys doing the same for me. He is my champion, my rock, my protector. He respects me and cares for me and loves me and leads me better than anyone I know. I would never want anyone else to do that for me. No one else could do for me what he does. I love him because he's him and the feeling is mutual.
6) And for the record, we do not subscribe to theory of male submission and him being spanked. Frankly, it turns my stomach. I do not now or foresee myself ever desiring that dynamic at all.
Hope this clears some things up.