Just a Little Vent

I almost feel bad writing yet another post that is seemingly me complaining. So let me clear something up in case this makes anyone wonder. I love Steve. No two ways about it. He is a great guy and despite the struggles we sometimes have, especially in this area, I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. There. Now that's done. On to my vent.

So earlier this week, Steve and I were just hanging out at his house watching some TV ans such. It had been a quiet, but very nice evening. Perhaps it was the calm before the storm.









In fact, that was precisely what it was. Shortly before I was ready to leave and head back to my place, we began talking about our plans for the next several days. I knew he had a meeting the next day and then school for a couple days. I had a day of work a couple of days off and then a three day stretch on, one off, and then two more nights to work. I, in my head, had been planning on spending my one and only day off with him. It was basically the only time we would see each other that week.

This is the moment when he chooses to inform me that he has meetings on that one day from 12-3 and one from 6-9. Even now, I can't begin to explain what went through my head. All I know is that I hit the ceiling. I was so mad and so hurt. Initially, when I told him he was just like, I'm sorry. I don't know if he thought I would drop it or what, but I obviously didn't. It's not in my nature.

This just made me madder. Now I get that he's an upstanding guy and I can respect him for wanting to stick to his commitments. But my heart was screaming, "What about me?!"



And that's basically what I said. Long story short, it took us a while, but we worked it out. This wasn't something that it was imperative that he attend, one reason why I was upset. But I think what upset me most is that he never once checked to see what our schedules were. With my job and his classes, things get a little hairy at times to say the least.

Here's where I struggle, and have been for a while. I keep saying I want him to lead. I want to be submissive. And those truly are the things I want. I think the problem may be in that I'm not sure exactly what that looks like. Part of me says that he made the decision and go to those meetings and that I should go along with it despite the fact that he didn't have the full picture when he made the decision. The other part of me, as I stated earlier, is upset that he didn't talk to me about it first. Whether this is submissive or not, I don't know. But I am open for any input that some of you may have. :)

So, I really wanted this to be a little more detailed, but I drove Steve to his classes today and I'm currently sitting in the student lounge with about fifteen law students talking. I'm almost on sensory overload. And, OH there he is, my knight in shining armor!



 So in closing, I'm hoping to start posting a little more frequently. And totally unrelated, hope the pictures show up. This is my first attempt at that!