A Few Musings Before the Hiatus Continues

So I know I've been missing for a while now. I'm sorry, really I am. I've wanted to blog so badly, but just simply haven't had time. If you've been here before, you know I have a wedding coming up. In eight days to be exact.

And I hate to say it, but I've had (more than) a few bridezilla moments the past week or so. Not the least of which was tonight. So to recap, without too many gory details....

Steve and I were going over some of the last minute type stuff when I discovered he had made a mistake. Wait just a minute! How dare he, right?! Doesn't he know anything?! This is MY wedding, MY day, MY honeymoon.

I know that sounds incredibly selfish. And it is. But I really hope that I'm not alone in succumbing to this mentality. I have to believe that other women have experienced this when planning a wedding. I do realize that it's his day too. And that he's waited for it just like I have. And that it's important to him too.

So needless to say, I had quite the cry tonight. After I yelled. And maybe even cursed. Sigh. It was a rough night. But I felt better after. And I know that it'll work out. Maybe not perfectly. But as a friend of mine said, it'll be perfect for us because we're the ones getting married.

Not to end on a dreary note, the night did improve. A few good hugs and kisses and a pint of Ben & Jerry's certainly helped it along. And we did get to talk about it some afterward, which was good. I still love him even when he makes mistakes, even though it makes me want to shake him. And he still loves me when I go bridezilla. Even though it makes him want to spank me. Wait just a minute! How dare he?! Doesn't he.....

Oh wait. Let's not go there again. Righteous indignation didn't work out so well the last time. Now I'm off! Will see you all after I'm a Mrs!

Crazy Little Thing Called Life

So yeah, I haven't been posting as much as I'd exactly like to. But I'm beginning to wonder who does! I know that I personally would rather do this than a lot of things... Like going to the grocery store.... Or paying bills... Or cleaning the toilet.... I'm sure you get the picture.

My life is crazy right now. Steve's life is crazy right now. Do you know what those two things add up to be? Two people who are crazy, madly, in love and who want to be together every possible moment not seeing each other for nearly two weeks. And then going another week before seeing each other. Argh!

This hasn't happened. Yet. But it's about to. I work the next three nights. Then I'm going home with my family to finish planning the wedding. Followed by another several nights at work. It seems as if every time I have a night off, he's in class. Our schedules are just insane and they aren't meshing well!

Add to this the fact that I've undertaken a project at work that has ended up being much more involved than I anticipated. Instead of a two hour meeting once a month, it's a two hour meeting once a week. That's what happens when you get nominated to be the unit spokesperson for the team.

Don't get me wrong. I'm excited. It's something I feel strongly about. But add it in the mix with regularly scheduled staff meetings, mandatory in services for continuing education, and my charge nurse meetings, and well, it's a lot.

And Steve is just as busy. He's gratefully handling the details of the honeymoon and some other things for me but he's approaching finals and well, he's in lawyer mode. And he has his own appointments and commitments to follow through on. I just feel like we're two ships passing in the night and it's not sitting well!

And on an unrelated note, if you're single and thinking of getting married, please realize it is a HUGE money put. Now, granted, I'm not saying I regret spending the money on our wedding, because I don't. But sheesh! I wish someone would have warned me! I know weddings are expensive. But I had NO idea how expensive. And I'm not even having a super big or fancy wedding.

Oh, and I went for routine service on my car yesterday to find out that it needs around $800 (possibly more) in repairs. Talk about bad timing!

So yeah. I'm stressed. I have too many things coming at me at once and it's really starting to get to me. I cried twice yesterday. From stress. This is not my norm. At all. I usually handle stress really well. Especially if a glass of wine is involved. And it was. A big one with dinner. And I still cried.

I also do this horrible distancing type thing when I'm stressed. I lash out, not hugely, but just get generally grumpy and snippy. And who do you think gets the brunt of that? Why, Steve of course. I get hyper critical and literally criticize every little thing he does "wrong." Like putting leftovers in the container upside down. Yes, I know. Childish. Immature. Ridiculous. But honest. I do it.

And Steve, bless his heart, doesn't really know what to do when we get in these snags. And I certainly don't know what would help. Nor do I want to tell him what to do to be honest. I wish I had a reset button. But at any rate, he defaults to doing nothing, which makes me feel guilty. Which makes me more stressed. And so the vicious little cycle goes. I don't know how to stop it, but as always, open for suggestions.

I am truly trying very hard to focus on the positives. And there are many. Our wedding is six weeks from yesterday! Yay! And I'm going later this week to visit my family, who is amazing and supportive and I love them like mad. And in about two weeks, I get to have a girls' weekend in Detroit with one of my besties. SO looking forward to that. I need some time away. And chocolate. And wine. And retail therapy. :)

It's not in my nature to be quite this stressed, so it's just been difficult for us trying to figure out how to deal with all of this. Anyway, I suppose this has been long enough. I need to get pack to laundry and packing.

Hope everyone has a great week!